kiwiphoton

11:54 pm: monday, december 28, 2009
Ahh the new year is quickly approaching, and I'm sure there will be lots of new year resolutions...I need to sit down and carefully think about what I plan to do. ;) Fun, fun...Anyhow, I decided to take pictures this evening since I already had the camera out and it didn't matter to me.

current weight=132.0

Please comment, heck I don't normally do this, and please don't lie or just be nice. I NEED to hear the truth, it's the best motivation to me BY FAR. And to me it is a positive thing if you leave a negative comment on my body. However, I'm not like "Grr, I've GOT to change that now now NOW!" I'm more like "Okay so this is really what any person would think of me. Am i happy with it or not? If not, then I want to make it better." Nothing too obsessive in my mind...of course i still am a little though lol

( pictures... )

Breakfast is the easiest meal for me to skip. But it's also the one I shouldn't. (Metabolism and healthwise). So from now on, I'm going to have a piece of fruit or a low cal breakfast bar in the mornings. That will also ensure that I actually take my vitamins.

I can make up for the calories by not eating as much at dinner, especially since I'll be going back up to college soon :) . I've slowly been eating less and less at dinner so my parents don't notice such a big drop-off from my former binge/purge nightly meals.

Also I was a lazy bum this morning and couldn't get myself out of bed to workout. Our heating system is whacked so it was about 45 degrees in my basement (it's 19 windchill at the moment outside, and this is all in fahrenheit however you spell that). So it was just impossible for me to get my fat ass out of bed. I figure I'll work out tonight when I get home from work. Can't wait til back to college when I'll have more time during the day to schedule in gym sessions :)

Haven't been on the scale yet today, I figure I'll do a weigh in tomorrow morning. 100 cal (a banana) intake so far.

Love to you all, and apologies, I'm going to start being better about commenting on others' posts :)

xox - Alice

Did anyone see the documentary last night on the anorexic girl cutting herself? It was on the a and e channel not sure if everyone gets that channel.

i am starting an outpatient ED program tomarrow and im really scared.  it is mon-fri from 8 am to 3 pm.  a lot more therapy than im used to.

anyway i have a question...  for anyone who has been in a program like this,

was everyone really skinny?  or were there many different sizes?  were there heavy people?  people with binge eating disorder?

i just want to know before i get there so im not panicked when i find out all at once what it is like.

im really not sure if im ready for this yet  :(

if im not 100 % ready and willing to get better, should i even be going?  what if im wasting their time and putting my girlfriend through a rough time for nothing?

 

 Bought a Sony Ericsson and I love it! I put there some thinspiring photos and now it's absolutely perfect for motivating me. ^^

So I have only three days before my diet starts. Any tips for the very possible bad days? It will be a 155 day's project, just counted.. From 1/1/2010 to 5/6/2010, the graduation day of my friends.

Today I'm going shopping with my bf. Weird?? : D

Have a successful day!

Does anyone live in Los angeles?
I'm near echo park, and I want someone I can see in person.
I could use a friend right about now
Let me knowww:)
Best luck to you loves<3

my deepest apologies for hibernating off this community for more than a week >_<
i have used up my internet quota for december, so i'm now stealing off my neighbour's internet.

losing weight wise, it's still an endless battle of binge-lax on my side.
but new year's coming.
and this week is when new years' day falls in.

i've gotta do it.
if i could lose at least 1kg per week, it would be 14kgs by my birthday.
i'm now tipping the scales at 49-50kgs (f*ckin' GROSS)

Im having like the worst hunger pains right now, and I dont even know why! I ate alot today and didnt purge anything. i didnt eat until around 4. I ate ALOT of salad with tiny bits of chicken n some of it, an orange, a bagel, a brownie, and a tiny reeces pieces. but I stopped at 7 im trying not to eat after 7pm. But hey I lost a pound though even after eating all that. im now 1 pound a way from my first goal weight, 95Lbs!

I hit my first goal! 110 lbs. ACCOMPLISHED!
On to 107, then 103!!!!! <3
sorrys just really happy i finally got on 110!
how are you girls?
holding up strong i hope :3

Hi everyone, I just got on here, very relieved to have found what looks like a good community for this.  I've completely re-lapsed like 30 fold and i feel like i'm clawing for anything to help keep my head on straight, so hopefully being able to share on here will help!  Looking forward to getting to know some of you......

peace :)

-N

Ahhh finally I could post. Sorry guys I have been m I a. I have not been posting because I've literally been surrounded by family 24/7. We are in florida. First 3 days we stayed with grandma which was fun. Not. I skipped out on christmas dinner and said I wasn't hungry. My italian grandma was forcefeeding me all trip. I just kept refusing. I'm up like 2.5 pounds because I'm due for my period so that is making me feel disgusting. My grandma asked my mom why I don't eat and what's wrong with me. My sister and brother r like why don't u eat. Then they mock me and call me ana. I packed a scale with me and I didn't check it this morning. I'm waiting a little because I can't bare to see it before my period. Today and yesterday went well. Yesterday was ok I had 5 strawberries then a grilled chx salad with vinegar and oil and cranberries. The bad part was I had a few fries and a few chips with artichoke dip. Then today I think I did really well. I had a banana and a salad with like 4 little grilled chx strips mushrooms and no dressing. I didn't pick at my sister or brothers fries. See its really tough here because we are in disney world and there is all fattening greasy foods so I get grilled chx ceasar salad without the dressing or croutons and I take off the cheese. Then I had a coffee and we get to dinner and I'm thinking jenn think about stepping on that scale. I'm sitting here now looking at my family eating chicken fingers and fries. I said I don't feel well. I am strong how are you all


⁠

i seriously neeeeeed buddiez.

( read more! )

If anyone is online right now PLEASE reply to this post... I am sat here with a pile of food.. Im starving and Ive already eaten a snack-a-jack. Someone talk me out of this. Ive already realised that one snack-a-jack isnt gonna do serious damage but if I keep going.... Gosh I dont want to stop though. But I KNOW the feeling I will have afterwards when Im full and I dont want that. Argh. Someone, please help.

( R.Bilson )

Hello all
How was your Christmas?
Were you able to resist the evil temptations of chocolate & eggnog & such?
I found myself unable to. Now I have gained weight and feel like a fat cow.
The holidays are the worst. All my self control goes right down the toilet.
Anyway, I am going to fast for as many days as I need to now.
Although I am craving food, I firmly believe that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
Later loves <3

I AM IN LOVE WITH KHLOE KARDASHIAN!! so chubby but beautiful and confident. also HILARY DUFF! omg these two women are just simply beautiful in my opinion.

i have a crush on them!! :P

i wish i can be that confident no matter how i look like =\

anyway 140 cals for today. and did 50 situps, 50 pushups, stretches, and 50 leg lifts.(50 each leg). not much of an excercise but just to start my day. any idea how much calories that burns? i would appreciate if anyone knws :)
who is ur fave celeb? lol and does any of you have a crush on a female celebrity?
i would die for those two. and maybe also katy perry :)

how are you lovelies doingggg??
comment. i love reading those xD
XXX

Hey Loves,

So first of all I wanted to say that my laptop died on me about a week ago. Which is why I've been missing in action over here. Hopefully it will be fixed soon, and until then I'll just continue to post at work.

Without being able to talk to you lovelies, I gained over xmas. It seems like most ppl did. So suffice it to say I'm not at 117. :(

I weighed in this morning at 122. BMI: 20.3. Ugh. I had gotten down to 120. I figure I can do it again and this time stay on track to go farther.

At christmas dinner at my grandparents' house (with my aunt, uncle, and cousin) I overheard my aunt and cousin commenting to my mom about my weight loss. They said I looked great but they wanted to make sure I was healthy. They were concerned because it seemed sudden. I heard my mom assure them it was. At least that's good. But the entire rest of the night the two of them watched me and kept offering me food to see it I'd turn it down. I had a big dinner so they wouldn't worry.
It's because they're used to me eating a lot -- I'd always binge/purge on xmas. But it was awful to feel them watching every bite I took. I know it's because they're concerned but...my family just does everything ass-backwards.

But there's a good thing: I haven't been binging OR purging!! Yay! But I was eating 3 meals a day with high cal food because I was stuck at home where they'd know if I skipped a meal. :( We were snowed in aka two feet was way to much for the city to handle and it took days to clear the stuff. Ugh.

So: Back to restricting and I'm upping my workouts. I HAVE to work out everyday if I don't have time to do more than 30-45 minutes at a time. That's 3-4 miles a day on my treadmill. Then add the ab/leg/weights on the bosu ball reps. Then on weekends I can do my 2 hour sessions at the gym.

120 by New Years. Then down to 117 after that. Ultimate: somewhere around 108. I can do it.

xox
-Alice

I want to throw out every item of food in my house.

I haven't binged in ages. Well seems like ages. But boy did I binge tonight. I feel like i'm going to explode. I want to cry and scream and omg this is such a shit fucked up day :( 

I am never going to be skinny at this disgusting rate.

I grossly ate

- nachos
- baked potatoes with spaghetti and shit load of cheese
- le rice snack

YUCK 

Can't wait to see the scale in the morning. Not.

I thought i'd stopped the laxatives but stupidly had a liquid one right after the fibre I drank.

I want to puke but hate puking so much. I'm starting to hate food more though. I've already thrown out snacks my bf left here. Might get to throwing out the rest of the bad calorie shit.

I don't need this shit.

Fuck it, back to liquid fasting.

As of now 10pm

Till - at least wednesday night. 48 hours.

Who's in ?? Support would be great

xoxoxoox

I just calculated my bmi and it is 18.3 my goal bmi is 17.0. Thats 7lbs I have to lose! Im really trying to get there by January 5th because thats when I go back to school.
Hope everyone is doing well! Im so bored, I think im about to workout. Its 3:40am and stupid insomnia has me up again...

I finally got a computer in my room again!!! Woohoo! I'll be commenting you guys again ;) lol